i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
