i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
