So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
