while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
