I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
