I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
