His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
