You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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