Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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