I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
