I need help removing her.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
