did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
