Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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