I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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