i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
