Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
