Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
