she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
