yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
