those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
