Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
