do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
