do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
