I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
