# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
