Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
