He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
