cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
