I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
