remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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