I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
