Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
