I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
