is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
