The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
