we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
