That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
did i just pee glitter
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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