It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
