Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
