why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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