remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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