I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
