don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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