I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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