Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
