Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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