Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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