i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
