Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
