that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
