I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
