Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
