STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
