Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
