The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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