My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
