come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
