I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
